So each day is a new path, nothing ever quite goes as planned. Getting knocked out with the flu...or whatever last week...this week has been a series of physical inconveniences, mostly associated with breathing...which is, of course, a reminder to thank God for the ability to breathe. I learned my ability to "be nice" and "accept change" does not function so well when I can't breathe. I am fighting with whatever is in the air and breathing through my mouth is just not fun. Not fun at all.
Woe to all allergy suffers! I would have thought that those of us with chronic allergy issues should have been genetically weeded out of the populations by now...alas, we are still here...and genetic engineering of food, flora and fauna allow us to continue to live, altho less vigorously than others. Annoying.
What is more interesting to me is that I am grumpy. I'm taking minor misfortunes personally. I do not like being cantankerous...but like Grumpy Cat, I would prefer to growl at anyone who gets in my way.
I ordered a new chair swing for the back yard. It was a great price. I got it today. Now I know why it was a great price...sigh...reminds me of what mail order was like in the 50s and 60s...it will be okay for...camping trips. But not the quality of the chair that wore out.
Gripe. Gripe Gripe. Like the quote I posted earlier. Pride, in place of humility, is a real killer. Good health or bad, attitude makes the day work or not work. So it is important to remember when your health...my health...is not performing optimally...it is essential to be more attentive to attitude. I have to short-circuit the years of conditions to b*tch when I feel...compressed...into a place I'd rather now be.
Amazing, the people who walk so bravely into an illness, possibly a deadly one...and choose to be optimistic, hopeful, caring. It is a charism, I think, to be blessed with the ability to endure suffering gracefully.
You know, that "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." I can't let that one go. I can't stop talking about it. I can't stop trying to let it permeate every cell in my body...and I am painfully aware that I come up short. Often. Especially when I am physically drained. Less easy to forgive when you are sick. Less easy to forgive when you are hungry. Less easy to forgive when you are tired. When you are in need.
Frustrating. But it is cool to at least recognize it. A first step to becoming...holy...for lack of a better word, altho it might be the best word.
To know that, inside me, I cannot be loving enough when I am not well; I must be compassionate with my sisters and brothers who drive me crazy...especially when I am well. Maybe they are tired. Or hungry. Or sick. Forgive them. I don't know their story...everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Patience. Temperance. Fortitude...what's the fourth?
SO...in this great silliness when I like to write...and write and write...I have to forgive them...for letting me down...and damn, I have to forgive myself...for screwing up and being impatient, or ornery, or just plain selfish...and just get up or out of it and go back to...something slightly above that.
Baby steps. And thank goodness for small illnesses...enough to remind us how really wonderful our human bodies are...no matter how lumpy or wrinkled or slow moving...or hairy or hairless...they are really cool...and the older we get, the more interesting they get...our reward for a life lived...and living...as crazy and wonderful as we might let them be.
Okay. I'm done. If you got this far...thank you for putting up with me. THANK you for being my friend. Sigh.
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